July 11, 2003

still quitting

apparently another effect of withdrawal was the absence of presence of mind to remember to write anything yesterday.

after work on wednesday, i drove home and realized i was getting sudden flashes of lucidity. it was almost movie-like, as if i could visualize the pops of clarity i was getting in my brain. by the time i was home i was thinking much more clearly. but the headache and general body pains persisted well into the yesterday.

Two nights ago was one of my worst nights of sleep ever. I had to pee every 20 minutes. i could not get comfortable. after one return from the bathroom i lay down and in 2 minutes felt my sinuses dry out to the point where it was painful. so i chugged some more water, fell asleep, and woke up choking because i was so congested. after dealing with that during a few trips to the bathroom, i finally fell asleep and woke up to find the sheets soaked with my sweat. slept through my alarm and got to work late. work was hell again because i felt like i was walking through a fog, barely able to focus my eyes.

finally last evening, while i was in the grocery store, the headache cleared. i woke up twice last night, again soaked in sweat. but today i am pretty much back to normal, other than the need to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes to cough up a lung. but i think that's to be expected for awhile.

what's striking is how abrupt the transitions from one state to another were. i can distinctly pinpoint when i went from one to the other.

i guess the worst is over. some other random observations from over the past few days:

body response to temperature makes no sense. the room can be hot and i'll still be freezing under 3 blankets. a few hours later, in the same room that is now cold, i can barely stand being covered by one blanket without feeling like i'm suffocating.

sunlight is WAY too bright for me to handle. (rabies? wouldn't that be a surprise.)

any loud noise is a near-death experience. loud bangs are usually make one jump, but now, i feel seriously pained whenever i hear one. when driving, a bad pothole is enough to send me into paralysis. every stimulus is like electro-shock.

going through life feels like a movie. not one of those gauzy, warm dream-like movies, but more like an "oh shit something is going to jump out and kill me at any moment" movie.

Posted by ender101 at July 11, 2003 02:32 PM